i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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