Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
