just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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