We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Randomize
