babies were throwing up all over the place
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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