Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
