It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Randomize
