sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
