Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize
