You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
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Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
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I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
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