You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
