i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
you never un-have a 4some
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
