I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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