Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Randomize
