i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
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