I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize