dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
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