First date: that requires underwear, huh?
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
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