I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
