I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
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