i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Randomize
