i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
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