After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Randomize
