she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize