Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
