quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Randomize
