I feel like I'm in dance class right now
Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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