I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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