Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
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