I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
