just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
