Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
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