He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
