if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
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on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
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And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
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