He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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