i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
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