Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
