I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
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