I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
Randomize
