Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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