I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
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