The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
