i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
