quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
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