If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Randomize
