No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
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