Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Randomize
