i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
