check it out our google latitudes are spooning
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
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