I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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