I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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