BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Randomize
