Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Randomize
