Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
I think my moral compass just broke
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
