Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
