Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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