I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
no. you can't hotbox the world.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
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