That arnold schwarzeneger picture looks strikingly similar to paul
Not half as good looking as paul
I'd say paul has bigger bicep peaks, but who am I to judge
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
